Parents, besieged by their problems often fail to take into consideration the plight of their progeny, choosing to keep it on the back burner to be dealt with later on. People often end up forgetting that parenting is a full time job and just because they are divorcing their partner, it does justify their irresponsibility as a parent.
The impact of a divorce on a child depends on a lot of factors such as his/her age, gender, temperament and immediate circumstances. Despite the best effort on the part of both the parents, children are bound to feel tense, frustrated, angry, guilty and sad. However, by giving a helping hand to their kids in this hour of need, parents can considerably mitigate their agony. A caring and open attitude helps children adjust better to their new situation. A major factor in this context could be the ability of both the divorcing parents to maintain a civil and workable relationship with each other.
Research has shown that the effect of divorce on children can considerably be diluted, provided they are nurtured in the right kind of atmosphere. Many a time, parents follow and practice certain wrong attitudes and policies. Swayed by their suppressed anger and wrath for their ex, they subject their children to situations and circumstances, which may not be conducive for their well being in the long run. Such acts of negligence not only distance the child from both the parents, but could have far reaching repercussions.
Effects of Divorce on a Child
Children of school-age get easily confused by a parental divorce. They can easily sense that both the parents have fallen out of love with each other and start doubting that perhaps they will soon stop loving them also. Unforeseen fears could creep into their tender hearts, which may scare them to an attitude of abrupt withdrawal and isolation. Sometimes they may end up holding themselves responsible for causing the divorce. Post divorce pain and stress could lead to depression and health problems.
Teenagers though being better able to comprehend the situation at an intellectual level, often refuse to accept the ground realities. Adolescent tension may find expression in the form of anger and feigned maturity. Any mishandling may force them towards substance abuse and violent behaviour. The entire career prospects of a college going child may get jeopardized by the insecurity generated by a divorce. Any tactless handling on the part of either of the parents may aggravate the things even further.
Right Parental Attitude
A responsible approach and right attitude on the part of both the parents could go a long way in restoring the parent-child bonding. A few right things to do in such a context would be:
Explain to children what is happening. There is no need to get into all the details. A simple and concise explanation will do.
Encourage children to come out with their doubts and facilitate an open and honest attitude at home.
Validate the feelings and concerns of children and help them verbalize their queries.
Assure children again and again that they are in no way responsible for what is happening.
Reassure them regarding your unconditional love and explain to them all the post divorce arrangements chalked out for them
Set aside special time to be spent with children.
Keep daily routine intact.
Discourage reconciliation fantasies.
Be on the watch for any symptoms of depression or anxiety.
Never try to alienate your children from your ex.
Avoid criticizing or berating your spouse before children.
Do not lean on children for emotional support and advice.
Maintain a workable and conducive relationship with your ex.
Chalk out a mutually acceptable and cooperative visitation plan with your ex.
Non-custodial parents should try to be in touch with their children through regular calls, letters and email.
Be prompt with your child support payments.
Participate in all the family milestones like birthdays, graduations and other important activities.
Never try to pamper or indulge children under any circumstances.
You will continue to remain the parent of your child forever. Believe me; the guilt of being an insensitive parent may haunt you till the end. So express your love and support for your children, while you have the time to do so.
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk
Article Source: UnArchived Articles
|
