First, are you harbouring the notion that you and your partner are going to live together, happily ever after, as you might have read in a fairy tale? Are you under the impression that both of you will be able to conquer any obstacles that come your way with the love that you have for one another?
If you have answered a ‘yes’ to any of the questions above, you are thoroughly mistaken.
When people are in love or engaged to another, their hormone levels are at their peak. They only tend to see the positive aspects of their partner. With all the excitement building up for that prime moment of their life, they tend to oversee the realities of life. The reality is that a Pandora’s Box invariably opens up within a short time after marriage.
Planning to get married is a huge step. I really think it is worth your time to make sure that you and your partner share the same views before you tie the final knot. The success or failure of any marriage will heavily hinge on how well you deal with issues such as finances, communication, household chores, conflicts, parenting, leisure time, religion and spirituality, and the expectations that spouses have from one another.
Though you might be a little busy with your wedding preparations, it is absolutely mandatory that you set this time to explore the depths of this relationship. You need to thoroughly understand each other to ensure that you don’t face any hiccups later on in life. Effective communication along with the willingness to grow into husband and wife roles from a boy-girl relationship, is the key to an ever-lasting marriage.
To make your work easy, I have prepared a set of questions that you might want to discuss with your partners. Here we go.
Finances
If your partner is not willing to discuss the mechanics of managing money after your wedding, I rather suggest that you don’t get married until this is sorted out. Trust me; it can blow your mind out when financial issues start cropping up. The questions that you need to ask are:
What percentage of our total income do we spend on the home?
How much does each one contribute?
How do we intend to save our money?
Do we pool in the money or do we maintain separate accounts?
What are our categories of expenses and how much do we spend in each category?
Home Maintenance
I meant the cleanliness part of it. There has not been a single sunrise or a sunset without me or my wife quarrelling on this issue. Each one keeps telling the other to clean up the mess. Here are your questions:
Are both of us responsible for the cleanliness of the home?
If yes, how do we share this work between us?
Who does the cooking and who does the cleaning?
How many hours will each of us be able to spend towards cleaning up the home?
Physical Intimacy and Children
Though you might feel a little embarrassed about discussing this with your would-be spouse, it is necessary that you discuss to set clear expectations. The questions that you need to ask:
Do you have expectations out of me as far as intimacy is concerned?
When do we start a family?
How do we plan our family?
Work and Profession
What are your ambitions in life pertaining to your profession?
How do you intend to grow over the years? Do you have any specific plans?
Is there any way that I can help you grow with your profession?
Do both of us go out to work? Or, does one work and the other takes care of the family?
Family Life
How much time do you think you can allot to the family apart from your work?
If we have children, how do we raise them to be effective individuals?
What are our stances when it comes to socializing with people?
Fidelity
Are both of us committed to each other on this relationship?
Can we promise ourselves and to another that we don’t cross our boundaries seeking extra-marital relationships?
Religion and Spiritual Life
Do we share the same religion and beliefs?
What are your views on religion and spirituality?
The Final Word
This is specially meant for my women readers. I want you to carry out a test. Go and tell your would-be spouse that you would want to sit and plan your life after marriage. 99% of men will tell you that you both can take this up at a later time!
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk
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