Over time, they do realise the uselessness of clinging on to old unhappy memories and let go of the past.
These statements might sound contradictory to what you probably believed or heard so long. Adulterous spouses are divorced, no doubt; but it is the habitual offenders who find themselves in the divorce courts. Moreover, the very term ‘infidel’ is cloaked in confusion. Do we call emotional affairs also as infidelity?
Infidelity – A Vague Term
Scan over the internet, and any day you would find hundreds of troubled marital mates speaking of the online affairs of their partners. Initially, these innocent people had believed that their spouses were gizmo freaks. Only later do they realise the secretive online affairs. A few tech-savvy spouses have yanked off the hard disk and produced it as evidence.
Did you know how that even after producing such concrete evidence, people have denied the entire affair? Marital mates refuse to acknowledge the existence of an affair even when they were video-filmed with their lovers.
Reaction of Infidel Spouses upon Exposure
Stark denial or ‘short term amnesia’ seems to be the reaction of majority of the offenders. They fear the revelation of their affairs, and justifiably so. Discovery of adulterous liaisons have tumbled governments and has resulted in the cutting short of many a career. However, long term consequences hardly figure in the adulterous mind. They fear the immediate guilt and shame upon exposure. They hate themselves for being the perpetuators of agony in the family. Indeed, the pain of infidelity is experienced more by the victimised spouse and family rather than the errant.
Pain Caused by Adulterous Affairs
One counsellor has described the pain induced by the discovery of the affair to be equivalent to the pain felt upon spousal death. All the partners of infidels might not empathise with this statement, but the pain is severe for it is manifold. When the partner errs, people blame themselves. They feel that it is some shortcoming of theirs that has turned their spouses into infidels. They experience an immediate loss of self-confidence. They grieve for being used and abandoned. Every person who discovers spousal infidelity dislikes marital continuity.
Is Divorce the Answer?
As mentioned, divorce is rarely the answer to infidelity. If the erring spouse is genuinely apologetic and the innocent partner willing to forgive, there is no reason as to why a divorce should take place. Usually, people willing to forgive find that forgiving is possible, while forgetting is not. If you plan to stay together with your spouse even after discovering the affair, you must seek counselling therapy. Often spouses, who reconcile and live together, experience a loss of trust and simmer with resentment for long.
Overcoming Resentment
Seeking help is the only manner you can overcome resentment. Do not assume the term ‘seeking help’ to mean confiding to friends and neighbours. This would aggravate the problem further. By seeking help, we mean seeking counselling services. They would help you realise that overcoming resentment is possible if you completely forget the incidents that provoke you into reliving such negative experiences.
Develop spiritual faith. This might sound old-fashioned to some of you, but faith in a higher power works wonders and helps begin life afresh.
Beginning Afresh
Once you are emotionally free, beginning life afresh is easier. Make all attempts at rebuilding your relationship with your spouse. Prevent such further occurrences by identifying the causative factors for infidelity. Usually, adulterous affairs are developed due to an empty nest syndrome or midlife crisis. At times, people seek to cover up some deficiency in them by indulging in such affairs. For example, a plain looking woman who is feeling unloved, would develop an affair to prove that she can also be attractive. Identify such factors in your marital alliance and eliminate them.
Prevention of Adultery
Change the scenario at home. Women require feeling loved, attractive and protected. Provide them with the emotional and financial security they require. Men like peace at the home front, and require an admiring spouse to boost their ego. These are not new lessons that have to be learnt afresh. We fulfil these needs of our partner during the days we go out dating. However, after marriage, these get mired under the daily grind of responsibilities. Rekindle the old love and passion, and you would never be reading articles pertaining to adulterous spouses any time in the future.
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com
Article Source: UnArchived Articles
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