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When time nears for a child to leave the nest, most parents feel both joy and dread. Many parents make that transition gracefully with the child who is not disabled. However, parents of children with dual sensory impairments ...
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Articles » Society » Divorce » Divorce – A Leap in the Dark
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- Article Views: 526
- Word Count: 802
- Date Contributed: Oct 29, 2007
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| Divorce – A Leap in the Dark |
I am not going to talk about divorce as an authority or as some expert. Keep this in mind that an iota of your personal truth is worth more than the knowledge of all the experts in the world. It stands especially true in case of life-changing moments like divorce. So let’s talk about this predicament as fellow human beings who share more or less the same set of feelings, emotions and expectations from life.
Divorce and the Uncertainty Associated with ItM
Most often, facing a divorce seems to be a leap in the dark. The uncertainty and vagueness associated with it seem to be excruciatingly painful. You never know whether your life will take a turn for better or worse after divorce. At least your mind and heart seem adamant on believing that everything will turn out to be disastrous in the long run. The contemporary society seems to have such a fetish for permanence, at least the way permanence is still defined and cherished in the West.
Desperately expecting the things to be permanent and stable when your immediate circumstances are proving to the contrary is a sign of spiritual laziness. Take a look at the world around you. Everything is changing. Everything is in a state of flux. Nothing is permanent except change. Till now you have been living, wrapped in the secure world of your domestic bliss. The idea of permanence existed only in your mind. You propped up that idea with a series of aids like a house, bank accounts, credit cards, club memberships, stable job, your notions of family and what not. Now everything seems to be coming down with a crash.
Believe me. I am not against the institution of marriage or family. In fact, I am all for it. What I am against is the stubborn human tendency to deny truth in the face of it. Once you lived in a happy family. At that time, that was your reality. You tried your best to support your home and family. Now you are facing a divorce and this is your present reality. Accept it, embrace it. Acknowledge this change in your life with the same sense of responsibility as you accepted your marriage. Very painful, but face it with all your awareness. Do not let the anger or frustration suppress your mind. Remember, most often our deepest fears and agonies are the gateway to our greatest treasures. Once you embrace this reality, it will help you see the permanence lying behind this change.
Causes of Uncertainty and How to Deal with Them
Each divorce situation has its own unique concerns and considerations that cause stress. However, I choose to talk about the three that seem the most fundamental to me. They are:
1) Feelings for Your Spouse
We often stick to relationships because of our love for people or our idea that we love those people. So be sure about your feelings. If your love for your spouse was just a habit, it will soon be over. It may take some time, but yes, it will get away. You may say that your feelings for your spouse are deep and genuine. It may sound paradoxical, but the more you love your spouse, the easier it is to accept a divorce. All that you have to do is to give up the childish notion of possessing him or her. Marriage is not the only way for two loving people to associate with each other. Your marriage is over and accept this fact once and for all. Still you can choose to retain an old friend. In fact, in case you have children, it will go a long way in ensuring their well-being.
2) Family
A family is defined primarily by the sense of concern and responsibility for each other, rather than by its shape or structure. Both of you can still choose to play an important role in the life of your children. Two people no more married to each other, but parents to the same set of children do make a family.
3) Finances
In a divorce scenario, the most astute decision on your part will be to go for an uncontested divorce. Do not use finances as a weapon against each other. Try to divide the assets with mutual consent and in a way that minimizes the damages due to divorce for all the parties, particularly the children. Do not act mean, just because you are opting for a divorce. You two may reject each other as partners, but can still choose to respect each other as individuals.
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com
Article Source: UnArchived Articles
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