Did you only find out that you had ADD because you took one of your children for diagnosis? It's true that ADD seems to have genetic tendency, and if this is true for you, you may have tended toward blaming yourself for your child's ADD. That attitude can depress you. On the other hand, did you feel slightly relieved that you could finally put a name to what you'd been feeling all your life? Try to put negative feelings aside, and focus on working with your own ADD strengths and weaknesses. The process of doing this may help you with the bad feelings, because you'll be taking positive action that leads to ADD success---not just for you, but for your child, as well.
If you're married and have a family, ADD can be particularly stressful for you. In most households, it's the woman who is responsible for family structure and organization, and when you can't quite meet up with societal expectations, you probably becomes guilty and even more distressed. This is especially true when you also work outside the home.
You need some ADD-friendly ways to help you.
Business, just by its very nature has certain structures, and if you have ADD, this probably helps you because you know what to expect next. But at home, this is totally not the case, unless you make it so. Try to make some simple scheduling there, and especially if you work outside your home, it will tend to make your home life less overwhelming.
Delegate some of that housework to your partner, if they don't already chip in and do some of it for you. If your kids are at least 5, you can give them simple chores to do, too, like setting the table. Don't feel guilty about making your kids work, either. They need to have a way to learn responsibility. They also need to learn the value of money, and if you give them an allowance for the work they do, you'll be accomplishing three things: You're alleviating some of your own burden, you're teaching your kids responsibility, and you're also teaching them the value of money.
Then, decide what you're still responsible for doing and schedule it all into some kind of planner. Make sure you have access to it 24/7. It can be paper or electronic. Just be sure you can keep it with you most of the day, every day. Make Mondays your dusting day, Tuesday can be laundry day. Wednesday might be grocery shopping day or whatever suits you. Once you have written everything down, it won't look as bad as it did in your mind's eye when you were thinking about all that you had to do. Plus, you won't have to worry about forgetting anything because it will be written down and you'll have it front of you at all times.
Also try waking up at the same time every day. Eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner at the same time every day, when possible, as well. Read to your kids at the same time every day, and so on. Not everything you do can or should be structured, but by making a rather loose schedule, you'll have some pattern in your life. You'll know what to expect next, and it will help you to feel more secure. This can also be good for the working woman, if she tries to put a little structure into her day after working hours. Make every Monday pizza night or every Thursday reading night. Help the kids with their homework at the same time very evening. Little structures can be comforting.
ADD can also be accompanied by fits of temper when too much is going on around you. If you're trying to make dinner, the phone rings, and the kids start fighting, do you feel as if you might explode? Do you start yelling and telling everyone to get out of the kitchen? This can happen. Some ADD women have to be very careful that these fits of temper don't lead to even worse situations.
Of course, we can't always be in control. So, take preventive steps. Ask someone else to watch the kids while you're trying to cook, and make it enjoyable, rather than a circus. Or, don't cook at all! You just might be able to afford to have your meals catered in, when you consider how much it costs in gas to go to the store, to come home and prepare the food, and the time it takes. It might be much more efficient and less expensive to have someone else do that stuff when you're busy.
Yet, if you love to cook, or you just can't afford to eat out a lot or to have meals catered in, why not prepare them when the kids are at school and keep the food in the refrigerator or freezer until just before dinner? Or, if you're a single parent, what about hiring a babysitter just to watch the kids while you're doing something as complicated as preparing a good meal? You can make an ADD-friendly system that will work for any circumstance on any budget.
But above all, put yourself in "time out," when you know that your feelings are getting out of control. Just walk away from the situation for a few minutes, if you can, until you're able to put things back into perspective. Huge emotional baths are not something that will solve your feelings of frustration. They'll only enhance your guilt.
Women who have ADD often struggle with substance abuse, too, but the worst part of it all is that they tend to hide their dependencies from other people. Sure, drugs, alcohol, food, and any other addiction are rationalized ways to "help" your condition. You feel that your self-medicating, but you're just making yourself more miserable. If you have these issues, consult a professional immediately. Doctors and counselors can help you find ways to deal with ADD that won't destroy your family and your self-esteem.
The worst thing you can do is to blame yourself for having ADD. It's not your fault. You did nothing to inherit ADD. It just is. And maybe you're lucky, right? I mean, you can think faster than most people on the planet. You're able to do lots of things at once, and you're probably very, very smart. Focus on those qualities and use ADD to its best advantages.
Attention deficit is nothing to be depressed about. It undoubtedly makes you very special, but if you don't concentrate on realizing your own strengths and weaknesses, it can interfere with your life. Learning you have ADD can open up new possibilities for you. Use your strengths and find ADD-friendly ways of overcoming the shortfalls. If you need professional help to do this, so be it. Ask for what you need. That's the first step in attaining a better state of mind.
Tellman Knudson is CEO of Overcome Everything, Inc., and a certified hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner, who was also diagnosed ADHD in his childhood and has learned to deal with typical ADD problems. Get his Free weekly ADD Success tip when you visit Instant ADD Success at http://www.instantaddsuccess.com/
