This is a real problem when it comes to new relationships, how much and when do you start opening up about your ex-partner. The fact of the matter is only you know when you are ready to talk openly and honestly about what happened with you ex but will the new partner be ready to hear it?
Here is a basic principle to go by:
1)Never on a first date: Never on the first night you meet or on the phone or over the internet or on your first date even if the other person asks you just deflect it to you don't want to ruin the romantic mood. It is really important to show that you're more interested in this new relationship than your ex because if someone's asking you about your ex they probably just want to know if you're emotionally ready for a new relationship not the actual details. Then only question you can answer is how long ago it was but no details should be given. So if you are asked just say my last proper relationship was, however long ago, but I don't really want to ruin the mood by talking about that! Then ask them a question about them. This will deflect and show interest in them rather than someone who is still cut up that their ex left them!
2)Give a little, get a little: Gage how much information to give by how much you receive and never give more than you're getting. No-one wants to really hear about all the troubles with someone's ex no matter how long you've been together and if you have just sat and cried about your ex in front of your new partner and know nothing about their ex then this proves you are not ready to date and should spend more time healing before you go out again.
3)Be Honest: When you are both ready to share the things that really hurt you from your previous relationships and bare your soul to each other it should be a cathartic experience, purging all the frustration and sadness and being accepted and loved by your new partner. Do not sugar coat the details, if you cheated admit it, if you got violent admit it, if you were to blame admit it. You at this point will not be judged by the mistakes of the past because by now this person will trust and love you for the person you are with them not the person you were in your previous relationship.
The relationship you have had will undoubtedly have had an effect upon the one you're now in whether it is to teach you a lesson and make you aware of the qualities you need in a partner so never let the mistakes of the past destroy a beautiful future. Each partner will bring out a different aspect of you and so no two relationships are the same, letting that new person see you have made mistakes or been hurt will allow them to understand your behaviour more which will only help your relationship. Just make sure that you are aware of your previous mistakes and not looking to repeat them.
Susan is a relationship expert who helps couples and singles in the singles world. Susan works for a company who let you search for singles who live in your city. If you live in the UK then why not try dating in london and meet professionals, for a date at lunchtime or after work! For more information please visit http://www.lovestruck.com .
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