| Has Discipline Become a Dirty Word? |
Discipline (dis’ e-plin) adj 1. Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, esp. training that produces moral or mental improvement.
When did discipline become a bad word? According to the dictionary definition discipline is something that parents should embrace.
There is certainly nothing in the definition of discipline that suggests spanking, shaming, yelling, screaming or debasing a child’s character.
So why are parents afraid of disciplining their children?
Children need and want to be reigned in. It is frightening for children to lose control, to hit, to scream, to throw the items out of the grocery basket, to act out in school. Children want their parents to set limits. With their out of control behavior they beg their parents to teach them how to handle situations that frustrate and anger them. As one five year old so eloquently puts it, “When I am yelling and mad, I feel yucky…I want mommy and daddy to make it go away.”
Is it shaming to point out and correct a child’s bad behavior? On the contrary, it is shaming to be thirty years old and not understand how to behave at work, how to set, maintain and respect boundaries, or how to interact in social settings.
It has become unfashionable to discipline children. Parents cringe at the idea of being a child’s disciplinarian and not the child’s best friend. Parents do not want to be the bad guys always harping on their kid’s wrong doings. However, nobody said parenting is easy. The parents have the ultimate obligation to shape their kids to fit within societal norms.
By no means does this shaping mean creating little robots and robbing children of their uniqueness. Good parenting and good disciplining does quite the opposite. Good parents have a moral obligation to approach that role seriously. They must assess each child, identify his or her spirit and special qualities and parent that child appropriately. By listening and observing, parents can tune into the special-ness of their child and discipline effectively. The parent can fine tune their discipline to make it as helpful to the child as possible. Good parents help children identify and celebrate their own inner magic.
By embracing the true definition of discipline parents can enthusiastically use their own skills as teachers and trainers and instill the morals and behaviors that are meaningful and important to them. The true disciplinarian therefore is a child’s greatest role model. Children will feel safe and cared for by the parent who disciplines thoughtfully and appropriately.
Parents should start early to shape their children. Create a supportive, loving, gentle, non-aggressive and calm household. Make teaching moments out of the times when children act out and highlight the many moments when they sparkle and amaze. These disciplining moments help to reinforce the positive behavior that children need to function in the adult world and have the confidence to dream big and succeed. Embrace the role of disciplinarian and honor the title of parent. There are many appropriate and effective ways to discipline children and parents need not feel that there is a stigma attached to valuing discipline.
Elena Neitlich is the co-owner and CEO of Moms on Edge, LLC. Her company designs, manufactures and sells children's behavioral toys, games and parenting aids, Elena and her business partner created Moms on Edge with the mission to promote peace, quiet and good behavior in the home, and to alleviate the stress that parents can feel as they guide their children through the tough stages of childhood.
Elena is the proud mother of Noah (5) and Seth (2). She is committed to raising really great people. For more information about Moms on Edge or to contact Elena please visit http://www.momsonedge.com
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