| Reality or Sex Addiction Fantasy - pick the winner |
Have you ever kept a sex diary? I overcame sex addiction in 1982. Since 1983, I've been helping individuals and couples overcome sexual addictions. I never kept a diary and I don't ask my clients to. Some people just don't like writing things down. Even though you probably don't keep a sex diary, your mind does. The mind is your best tool of survival. So it wants to make sure that it knows what you're up to when it comes to sex.
One thing that helped me overcome my sex addiction and that helps people I work with is what I call "emotional awareness." Some people call it an "ah ha moment" or an epiphany. It is essentially a sudden burst of knowledge that enlightens your mind like the proverbial light bulb illuminating a dark, bothersome corner in the most important room in the house.
I'm going to ask you a few questions to help you develop an emotional awareness about sex addiction. The awareness alone will not do the job. It will get you started, though.
Do you masturbate?
Don't worry, not all masturbation is addictive.
Do you use pornography when you masturbate?
Pornography is not necessarily addictive either.
Do you go from one casual sexual relationship to another?
This is definitely addictive. It doesn't mean you're immoral or a pervert. It means you have problems with intimacy and commitment.
Do you have a sex buddy?
By this I mean someone who you get together with for the purpose of having sex without commitment. This also means problems with intimacy and commitment. Neither of you are immoral or perverted. It's just a problem. It's your life. If you want to keep on having non-committed sex, it's your business and no one else's.
We started off with questions about masturbation and pornography, now let's go back and clear them up. We know that masturbation is not necessarily addictive and neither is pornography. But masturbation and pornography do become addictive if you use them for something other than sexual fulfillment. Here a few questions to help you discover if you've become addicted to masturbation/pornography.
Do you masturbate and/or use pornography when you feel stressed?
Under these circumstances, masturbation/pornography are not being used for sexual fulfillment. They're being used as stress relievers. In the long run, you risk becoming dependent on masturbation/porn because there's always going to be stress in your life. In effect, addictive masturbation/pornography numbs you from the demands of reality. By numbing yourself to the demands of reality, you also miss out on the rewards of reality.
Do you masturbate and/or use pornography when you feel lonely?
Using masturbation/pornography to relieve loneliness encourages you to substitute sex addiction fantasies in place of a real relationship. It is a definite sign of addiction.
Do you masturbate and/or use pornography when you are bored?
Masturbating and/or using pornography to relieve boredom encourages you to withdraw into a fantasy world rather than seek a reality based solution for boredom. This is another sign of addiction.
If you're not sure if you use them addictively, make a mental note of your emotional state when you feel tempted to masturbate and/or use pornography. If all you're feeling is a desire for sexual release, no problem. But if you're feeling lonely, bored, stressed, anxious, depressed, afraid, or any kind of emotional discomfort, you're using it addictively.
Why is it so important to discover if you've turned masturbation and/or pornography into an addiction? If you're in a committed relationship, addictive masturbation/pornography pulls you emotionally and sexually away from your partner. If you're not in a relationship, it's contributing to keeping you out of one.
I suggest you take the same attitude toward masturbation and/or pornography that you would toward eating. If you misuse it, you can turn it into an addiction. Neither overeating nor addictive masturbation/pornography are sins. They're just problems.
One of the greatest obstacles the addicted masturbator or pornography user faces is the belief that addictive masturbation/pornography makes life more pleasurable. Here, the addicted person is dead wrong. Addictive masturbation and/or pornography compete against your partner for your sexual and emotional attention. Breaking free of these addictions enables you to fully appreciate your partner. It will have a direct positive impact on the emotional relationship and the sexual relationship you both share.
Sex addiction is fantasy. When fantasy competes with reality, it loses. If you want to be on the winning side, take a close look at your use of masturbation and/or pornography.
For more information on overcoming sex addiction, visit:
 www.The-Most-Personal-Addiction.com
Joe Zychik has been helping people overcome sexual addiction since 1983.
Article Source: UnArchived Articles
|
|
|
|
